When we communicate with people , be it in business interactions, personal encounters with friends , family or cocktail parties , we tend to try to dominate the conversation by expressing too much about "ME".
"I am this and that, I did this and that, and my achievements are ...."
While this kind of approach might be relevant in a job interview, it might be counter-producive in most other interactions.
Why is that?
When we try to be "Interesting" by expressing all our achievements and glory moments, or even our life problems, we are taking the focus from the other person and we put the flash light on us.
While we think we are being interesting and charismatic the other party might think "How snob this guy is" , "He didn't give me a chance to speak during the entire meeting"
By trying to put too much effort on making the other person being interested on us we are triggerimg the opposite response.
"The more you try to convince people that you are brilliant or charming or talented, the more they're likely to consider you boring or self centered" says Mark Goulston in his book "Just Listen".
A few weeks ago a female friend of us started to date a guy.She told us that he didn't stop talking about himself the entire evening, about how great he was in sports, about his hobbies and personal activities. "He didn't ask anything about me, it's like he is not interested at all about me". After 2 additional dates, the relationship was over.
Consider this: It is much more interesting to be interested.
When you put the focus on the other person , when you show true interest about what's going on in his life and you let the other person express his thoughts, he will consider you a much more interesting person.
How to become Interested:
Ask the other person relevant questions about his life that show that you are truly interested about him. For example:
- What do you do?
- What is is the most intersting part about it?
- What were the challenges that you had to face to reach this point?
- Did your parents supported you in that decission?
Ask questons that the other person would like to answer, questions that will make them feel valued and valuable.
By implementing this small tip in your life, I can assure you much more Interesting interactions.